Perfecting My Snatch
Bear Complex
So, I grew up as a dancer! I have been dancing in studios and troops since I was the age of two. It was my love and what I wanted to do. At a very young age, I also developed a serious unhealthy issue with laziness and overeating. I wanted to dance and that was my limit. I gained weight quickly and struggled with being overweight my whole life. I am currently smaller now than I remember being in fourth/fifth grade. I can remember my parents trying to get me to quit dance and go to soccer or something that may involve a little more running but I refused. I was sold out to dance. I loved it and it was something I desired to be good at. I am not a perfect dancer by all means and I definitely have to work hard to succeed or to be able to perform well but I love it and I believe have at least some natural abilities. I'm not completely a white girl! (though I know plenty white girls who truly got mad skills!) Dancing growing up, I desired to be a part of the competition troops and be included among the elite dancers from my dance academy but my weight got in the way. I never felt good enough. Things were hard because of my weight. I never felt pretty enough. But you know what, even though I had more mass and ass (sorry for my language!) to shake than everyone else I was pretty darn good. There are so many industries where looks overshadow talent. I let myself get discouraged and kept myself from auditioning for things that I wanted. I am so thankful to have found Robert (who runs Crossfit discovery) and Angel (who runs Peace Love and Hip Hop). Angel has given me an opportunity to finally tap into something that is my heart, my love, and my passion. Now that I have lost the weight and am fit, it's a new chance to start over and achieve some fun things that I love. Last nights hip hop class was so stinkin' sick! The dance was amazing and I am so stoked about practicing it until I bleed! I want to be able to hear that song drop and rip it anywhere I am! Angel and Robert, for some reason if you get to read this or stumble upon this, thanks for bringing a part of me who is so much of who I am back. It gives me such freedom!
It kind of makes me emotional thinking about the opportunity to dance again and now to sing again too. It's amazing how we allow one area of our lives to hinder other areas where we may have phenomenal talent. Not only did I let my weight keep from dance, I also let it (and sometimes other people let it) keep me from going after my dreams as a singer. I cannot tell you the number of times I auditioned for roles in shows and was told I was the obvious choice for talent but I just did not "look the part." That destroys a girl piece by piece; time after time. I remember when American Idol came out. Everyone was trying their hardest to get me to go and I refused because I just knew the judges would tell me that I was fat and imply that I was not beautiful enough. I have let so many opportunities pass me by. I am thankful now that I have gotten my health and weight under control but Lord, I wish I had done those things anyways. This leads me to my upcoming audition. If I hadn't met people in my life that encourage me to look at what I dislike and focus on the solution rather than the problem and fix what I don't like I would have never learned to overcome. I am empowered and full of strength. I know I can accomplish anything. So with that, I have decided to audition for The Metropolitan Opera Company in January for their regional auditions in Columbia. I may not please their eye. I may not please their ear. But I will be well pleased in my courage, boldness and faith and that is all that matters.
One of my heaviest weights.
Now :)
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